#TimesUP... Now what?

            

         Hello Ladies,

          How men and women relate to each other may be under a very intense spotlight these days. The #MeToo movement has called into questions situations and scenarios ranging from our boardroom, hotel room, green room and even our own bedroom. The sexual dynamic of men’s power going unquestioned and women’s expected placation is finally confronting justifiable kickback. And as I celebrate the public airing of so many much needed conversations, I am also wondering just how much the balance of power will shift. I worry we will only see a change through superficial effects, laden with sterile and insincere formalities instead of a shift in our collective consciousness of how both sexes see each other and value one another. And while I acknowledge that examining and evolving how women’s treatment by men in work environments is paramount, I also hope we start deeply examining other environments as well. Want this movement to wash into our homes, our houses of worship, our schools and universities. I want this movement to present itself in every area of our society and spark conversation. I am thrilled that we are demanding #TimesUP, I guess I’m just asking “Yes! Times up! Now what?”

            The power of this moment is held only by the potential of what it will achieve, which is still undecided. The larger conversation of this movement comes down to how power is wielded and by whom. The notion that our systems of power, which have largely been ruled by men (who are white and wealthy), are no longer infallible; has the potential to level that construct down to it’s foundation. But what will be rebuilt in it’s place? Can we make the most of this moment so that in our efforts to rebuild, we uphold values such as intelligence, bravery, humor, kindness, and ambition? Can we shift values away from the gilded cages that solely focused on youth and beauty? Will women begin to value and praise ideas and qualities the patriarchy has taught us to fear or avoid? Will women, a year from now, feel a sense of worth if they’re praised for being smart instead of pretty or hot? Will we find power in our intellect instead of just our sexuality? Will we still see ourselves as beautiful even if we age naturally? Will we be able to see comedic as a form of confidence and praise and support it?

            It’s these questions I fear asking because the answer is: It all depends on what we women want to value and praise, not just in ourselves but in each other. While men do need to adjust to a new narrative, women are the ones who should write the new terms. We are our own founding fathers in this moment, and we need to write our matriarchal manifest. But will we reconstruct the same establishment that kept us submissive? Or will we take a moment to think about our daughters and sons and the world we want for them? Will we think of moments when women were turned against each other because it kept the patriarchy in power and unquestioned? Will we examine what we consider our assets to be when we aren’t letting men define us, and can we imagine wanting the women around us to revel in these strengths instead of being threatened by them? I hope the answer is yes.

            Yes, men are in a period of reckoning right now, and rightly so. But I think women may miss a critical opportunity if we don’t also use this moment to reflect on what brought us here. The patriarchy has been in place for so long we may not even realize how some of our actions contributed to it’s empowerment, instead of our own. For decades women have been told we needed men for our survival and for some decades that was true, because power was intentionally withheld from us forcing us to be codependent to a system that functioned on our suppression. So as we enter a new era, will men be the only ones put in the spotlight of accountability? Or can we ask questions of ourselves as well?

            Will we use this moment to empower the women who aren’t just in powerful positions? Will we discover that we can safely form alliances with each other and champion each other? We will celebrate each other for our minds and not just our bodies, and not feel threatened? Can we separate the notion that empowering each other does not diminish our own power?

            For so long women have functioned under a social order that was doing us a disservice. We protected the patriarchy because we believed we needed it for our survival, we are now waking up from that state of learned helplessness. But the awareness of our captivity is not enough to bring change. Identifying corruption in the powerful is the start, not the solution. The Revolutionary War was the start, but it wasn’t until after the smoke cleared that the Constitution was written. The solution once the #TimesUp smoke clears, comes with how we move forward. Will women stand together and support each other as we rewrite our role? Or will we look to men to define our terms for us, risking revisiting these same issues over and over again?

            The only way we move forward is to see each other as allies not enemies, to trust each other, to reflect on our sense of self and our behavior. We move forward by standing up for each other, intersectionally empowering each other, and supporting leaders irrespective of economy, race, sexual orientation or identity. We move forward by feeling secure in our intellect, humor, wisdom and strength because we’re creating a society that encourages these attributes and values their contribution on a higher level than just beauty and youth alone. We move forward by seeing a strong woman who may possess a fierce intellect, a quick wit, a kind soul, and an intense ambition as an incredible contribution to a collaborative team instead of competition. We move forward by having solidarity through compassion for each other.

            There is no question we are rattling the bars to our cage built by the patriarchy. And there is no doubt this challenge has been a long time coming. We will continue making demands of men that call into question why they have power, and how they are using it. And we should acknowledge and empower men who stand next to us in alliance. But I hope that while we make demands of the men around us, we begin to sow the seeds of our own empowerment, irrespective of male approval. One of my favorite quotes from the Women’s March was, “The Patriarchy isn’t gonna smash itself”, implying we all need to do our part in challenging and speaking truth to power. But if the patriarchy isn’t gonna smash itself, then the matriarchy isn’t gonna create itself either. That job will be up to us.