Leadership Part 4: Owning it

Hello Ladies,

            We are living in very interesting times where the one certainty we have in these uncertain times, is that change is inevitable. As the world changes, women are being called upon to answer the call to lead. So as I wrap up this series on leadership, I just want to reiterate the importance of effective leadership, the methods and resources available to you for leading and why its important to develop your own leadership style. The unpredictable but impending changes will be a constant force we must learn to navigate and content with. Ladies, if we ignore the current situation we find ourselves in, we do so at our own peril. And if we do not take immediate action to adopt to this new climate we will have missed an incredible opportunity that will not only be at our own expense but may cost the world at large.

            It is hard not to walk through the world today and see daily examples of egregious behavior resulting from the imbalance of power in society. We don’t need to look very far to see staggering levels of inequality and injustice. Having just finished Fire and Fury the book out by Michael Wolff, it is clear to me that if average citizens who are passionate about being a positive force for change, continue to shy away from leadership, we leave positions open to corrupt individuals to carry out an agenda that only benefits their own profitability. Even though the imbalance of power and privilege is particularly high, I still remain hopeful. I have hope because I’ve watched as more women are coming together and having amazing conversations about these issues. I’m hopeful because I’m seeing ballots with more female candidates than any other time in history. And I’m hopeful because as we see more female leaders, our equality increases and I believe this will inspire more women to follow.

            The time has come for us to step out the shadows of our husbands, fathers, brothers and speak up for ourselves. Often women have relied on men to speak for us because it was safe and easy, but this has come at a heavy price. Yes, we have more social freedoms; yes we are more independent and in charge of your lives BUT these gains are delicate. We now face leaders who want to put us back in the kitchen or push us back in the closet. We have leaders who want to decide what we can or can’t do with our bodies and not pay us what we’re worth. No man can understand our issues better then we can, and while we do have male allies in power we should be working along side of them not relying solely on them to represent our needs. When more females take on leadership roles we amplify our ability to speak truth power. The more often women lead, the more comfortable society becomes with empowered women which lead to less adversity on all levels. Which is why the time has come for us to lead.

            Again, leading doesn’t have to mean running for office or heading up an empire. Leading can be as simple as a heading a book club, social event, or even a meet-up group. The scope of your ambition is not as important as your willingness to try. Does this scare the shit out of you? GOOD! Facing your fear can be the first obstacle you overcome, I can’t think of a better way to build up that leadership self esteem. Leading is scary, but here’s a secret: All effective leaders are afraid; it’s just that they don’t let the fear dominate them. You may decide that you’d rather not lead, but give yourself the adventure of at least trying. Facing the fear of leadership will teach you a little more about yourself and maybe even help you realize new strengths you didn’t know you had. Worse case, you realize leading isn’t for you, but when you’re opinion is based on experience you’re more likely to stand up and champion other female leaders, which still strengthens and empowers us.

            Another experience I fully support you have while leading is the fear of the unknown. So you’re leading and you don’t know what you’re doing? Join the club!!! None of us do. Plus even when we have a plan, shit can go ass up in a heartbeat and all your plans will change. So what do you do? Good leaders embrace the unknown and understand that they don’t need to know all the answers, but they have the confidence that they’ll figure it out. How do they know this? Effective leaders know this because they have a history of experiencing the unknown and surviving. Plus, once you’ve broken ground by facing your fear to lead, your confidence doubles when you survive facing the unknown. Become comfortable with not knowing, but trust that you’ll figure it out. And further build your confidence by stepping into the unknown over and over again.

            So now that you’re taking risks and confidently sailing through unknown waters, what the worse that can happen? Well you can fail. This is when paralysis kicks in. Nothing hampers leadership faster than a fear of failure. I think of this so often I’ll most likely devote an entire post to this subject in the future, but for now let me say this. Failure can be one of the best experiences you have. We have a stigma in our culture around failure. We believe that all successful people have only ever succeeded. This is total bullshit.

             I’ve learned more from my failures than my successes. I’ve also failed so often that I’ve learned failure doesn’t kill me, cause I’m still breathing. These days, because I’m familiar with failure, my outlook on it has changed. I used to feel like my failure defined me and would stigmatize me. Now I’m able to learn from failure and use it to my advantage by staying flexible to change, taking responsibility, asking for assistance, and trying new ideas. How was I able to change? I experienced failure often. Each set back taught me something new. Each fiasco became a challenge to recover from not be buried by. But the thing I’m most grateful to failure for is it’s taught me I’m capable of recovery. I’m able to right the ship and move forward with confidence, when others can’t even see a path. Nothing scares off failure more than a confident acceptance towards it. So be ok with risking failure and know that puts you in the company of all other successful leaders.

            Ok, you’re facing fear, diving into the unknown, risking failure and ready to lead with confidence… but there are still tools needed to really be an effective leader. Leading requires you to be uncomfortable and at times isolated, which is why having a support system around you becomes critical. This is when you really want to find mentors and teachers to learn from. I cannot stress how important this tool is.  Seeking out resources and discovering leading methods are a great aid when you’re unsure of how to move forward. The mentors I’ve had, are all responsible for the foundation at the base of my career.

            Mentors, teachers, loyal and wise friends are all valuable assets to you. Whether you need a confidant during a set back, a fan to celebrate a success, or a sage to advise you during uncertainty, a support of mentors and allies are critical for effective leadership. If you’re uncertain about where to look for these relationship or doubt if you have any at all, look to your past. Think about situations in your past when you had a cheerleader. Remember a time when you were given comfort or wisdom. Recall a time when someone believed in you, defended an idea you had or stood beside you when you were under attack. This person can be a teacher, a boss, a friend, or a family member. And if you cannot recall at least one person who played that role in your life, seek people out. Listen for people around you who give you positive support. Reach out to them, seek them out, form relationships with them.

            My perseverance over adversity is largely attributed to the mentors around me pushing me forward and putting me back on my feet when I didn’t think I could get up. My mentors have also been huge guiding factors when I wasn’t sure how to lead. Still to this day, I will channel my mentors in moments of uncertainty asking myself: “What would ____ do in this moment?” or “How would ____ handle this problem?” So cultivate a community that teaches, supports and heals you, also be willing to give this energy to others you believe in, in return. A cycle of support and encouragement this is where the power of change happens, so begin this cycle by finding mentors and continue the cycle by championing others.

            Lastly when is comes to leading, make it your own. It’s great to look up to others and admire their style. It’s also wonderful to be influenced by leadership styles as well. But don’t overlook or dismiss your own assets because you’re comparing yourself to others. It’s taken me while to get comfortable with this advice and in many ways I’m still on this journey, and I may always be. Early on I felt like I had to lead like leaders I’ve had in the past. I believed that lacked the power in myself unless I was using another’s leadership style, this led to outcomes that were less successful.

            Don’t get me wrong, I’m still influenced by mentors and past leaders… but channeling an energy and parroting a messages are two different things. I had to develop the confidence to trust my own value when it came to my leadership style. I was afraid to be funny, I was afraid to make mistakes, I was afraid to speak my truth. I spent so much time trying to prove that I was a leader, that it became a painful and draining experience. So what changed? I received positive feed back from mentors, friends and colleagues when I was just being my authentic self (another reason why complementing each other is important ladies).

            I noticed on certain projects when we were facing insurmountable odds, I would give into the stress and crack a joke or do something weird to lighten the mood. When my colleagues had a positive reaction and complimented me, I became less afraid to incorporate my own personality into my leadership style. Hearing things like, “I really like working with you because you’re fun and positive,” helped me to realize my strengths and develop more confidence. I learned over time to trust my own style . It was a major breakthrough for me to realize I could me an effective leader and be myself, but that would not have happened if I had avoided all the above advice and experience I just shared.

            Ladies, I’d be lying if I tried to tell you leadership is easy and anyone can do it with little to no effort. Leadership isn’t a gift you’re born with. It’s a skill that is developed over time. It’s a persistent mountain that never has a peak, only plateaus. Leadership is challenging, frustrating and stressful but it is also incredibly enriching, empowering and rewarding. In my opinion, if you want to learn more about yourself try leading something, not matter how small. The future is calling for us to come out of the shadows. The world is waiting for us to come together and heal damage that runs deep. The time has come for us to find ourselves and lead each other into the 21^st century. The time is now to take a stand, I hope to see to out there. I look forward to championing all of you. Own your power and take the lead, we can only get better from here. Be well ladies.