It's Ok To Let Go Of Apathy

Hello Ladies,

            It can be overwhelming to be a woman right now. We are currently in a revolutionary climate that is unpredictable. Between politics, economics, the long awaited #metoo movement, social and racial justice, global health and security, and the regular stresses of our day to day quality of life, things can be incapacitating for many of us right now. The complexity and range of issues is so vast for some of us it feels easier to check out and wait for the storm to pass. And I can’t fault you for that choice. I can’t judge you for not knowing how to join, or even not wanting to but I hope that one day you do. I hope that one day participating in the world around you won’t seem so paralyzing. I hope that the comfort of apathy gives way to a deeper sense of ownership and investment. I get not being able to face the world, I was there once too. But as the world spins madly on I’ve had to change, grow and evolve. I had to because not to would have cost me so much more.

            The comfort of hiding and avoidance comes at a price. Sitting on the sidelines waiting for the changes you want, won’t ever pay off. Isolation and seclusion only lead to more isolation and seclusion.  It’s the same for any goal we have. Change is required to get an outcome we desire. If you want to live in a kinder world you cannot hide from it, hoping it happens on it's own. So does that mean you need to drop what you’re doing and completely change everything overnight? No, but you can find small ways to become comfortable with interacting with the world around you. Discovering you actually exist in a community is the healthiest way to realize that you’re not alone and that it’s ok to care. Getting out of your comfort zone, just a little can produce amazing results. This week I’m going to talk about the top three things I do that increases caring and helps me connect to my community as well as my sense of purpose.

            The first thing that connects me with my community and sense of purpose begins with my morning. How I start my day is a direct reflection of how I’m going to move through the world. Those who know me, know I have a morning routine that is unique to me. Some mornings I’m better at following it than others, but I can honestly say when I’m disciplined about my routine my outlook on the world is more positive and I move through the world a little easier. I’ve mentioned aspects of my routine in the past but I’ll share the full routine.

            On my best mornings, I don’t hit snooze. So, how do I get around this comforting go to? I open spotify and put on my morning playlist. Instead of falling back asleep, I stay in bed for a few minutes and listen to the music (which has been carefully chosen for this purpose). I choose songs that slowly ramp up the tempo and pace so I’m more motivated to get out of bed. Then I hop in the shower. Once the shower is done, I do my routine in front of my bathroom mirror (teeth, lotion, blah, blah, blah...). Here’s where I’ve added another helpful tool. I’ve put up a few quotes on and around the mirror, to remind me I’m valuable, strong and brave. I’ve chosen quotes that help to quite the voices that are less helpful or don’t serve me to be my best. If I have insecurities about challenges ahead of me I read the quotes and take a moment to relax and take them to heart. I don't dismiss them or shrug them off, I just simply hold them in my mind.

There are times when I contemplating making my self smaller to make others more comfortable. This quote reminds me to embrace my energy and power.

This quote makes me smile and reminds me money is always around the corner.

I use this quote to remind me of my skills and attributes. I need a reminder that I bring a lot to the table for an employer, an opportunity or a relationship. 

I use this quote to remind me that my path is unique to me and is not without it's struggles but my resilience is what allows me to reap my rewards.

            I spend ten minutes stretching, breathing and getting centered in my body. I try and do this without judgment, just observation. Some mornings I'm better about this than others. At 40, I'm noticing my body is reacting to stretching much differently than it did when it was 30. So I just try and be observant without adding insult to injury. Once the stretching concludes I get dressed, make breakfast and pack for my day. By this point in my morning, my playlist is in full force and is filled with songs that positively affirm my sense of self. By the time I leave my house, I may not know what the day will throw at me but I feel powerful, beautiful and capable that I’ll handle whatever shit show the world may have in store.

            The second tool I’ve developed that has amped up my caring level by connecting me to my community and sense of purpose is developing a connection with others. This started with a very small change. I began to make eye contact and smile at people. I started with people I saw regularly, the gas station attendant, the barista, the crossing guard… I started actually seeing the people in my neighborhood. The practice of seeing and smiling was fundamental in helping me realize two major discoveries: 1) I’m not alone and 2) There are more kind people then I realized.

            Initially, “seeing and smiling” was way out of my comfort zone and I had to be very conscious about doing it. It had to be a committed goal to make eye contact and smile at another person I was not on familiar terms with. I started with mostly women unless it was a man I saw often in my neighborhood. But as time went on, this became easier and felt more and more natural. Try this for one week, see and smile at the people who may be part of your routine who you don’t speak to or know. Make it an intention to have this exchange with them and see what happens.

            The third tool that has transformed my life and connected me to my community and sense of purpose is going for a walk. I know this probably sounds overly simplistic, but there really is something in going for a twenty-minute walk in your neighborhood. The walk will give you a deeper insight into your neighborhood. Learning the sounds, smells and seeing the small details of where you live, connects you to the area. My walks have given me greater insight then any drive ever could.

            When I go for a walk, I experience a sense of ownership over my neighborhood. I notice improvements being made or areas needing repair. I see the little things that define my neighborhood and give it character. As my sense of ownership grows I feel a sense of responsibility for areas needing improvement. I’ve even taken on picking up trash or making phone calls to my local rep’s about larger community issues. These are small efforts but they’ve increased my personal investment in the world around me. The connection to my neighborhood increased my concern for others and started my momentum to enact changes that were in line my values, this transitioned into discovering issues I was passionate about. The Kick Ass Women and Puppetry group and the workshops were an indirect result of connecting more to the world around me and observing areas of improvement.

            You don’t have to follow this advice verbatim, but take it under consideration. There are a lot of important issues that are being decided on right now. Conversations that could be culture defining are happening at this moment. If you have opinions about the world you live in, and everyone does, it may be time for you to try to engage. You don’t have to be confrontational. You don’t have to be up on politics or the keep up with the psychotic pace of the news. You can still have a big impact on the world without joining “a side.”

            I said early on last year that I’m choosing kindness as my weapon, and I’ve stuck by that philosophy. Kindness has opened my mind in unexpected ways and given me unexpected rewarding experiences. Now humanity is humanity, I cannot say I haven't had my share of shit moments with people. Usually the shit moments at least give me a good story or a life lesson I can reflect on later. But I've stuck with being kind and haven't let a few isolated experiences define everyone around me.  Some days are better than others, I’m only human after all, but in general choosing to care and be kind has left me with few regrets. 

            So as a result, I cannot encourage trying these actions enough:

1)    Make a morning routine that stacks the deck in your favor.

2)    Make more eye contact and share a smile with people in your life.

3)    Go for walks in your community.

            I cannot blame those of you waiting for the dust to settle. But once it does, what will you do? I get we are living in times that feel suffocating and unbearable on so many levels. I get that the comfort of our couches and beds can feel safe and secure. I get all of those things, but I encourage those of you who feel this way to find small ways of supporting yourself and enacting a routine to help you realize the world still has kindness and hope. As more of us commit to this belief, the truer it will be. The world has so much potential but it's up to us to reach it. Start small and I think you'll find it leads to big changes.

              Be well Ladies, till the next post.