My thoughts on Weinstein

I debated about weighing in on the Harvey Weinstein subject. I figured the media has probably thrown plenty of talking heads at the subject and based on my Facebook feed, there seemed to be no shortage of attention to the issue or story. So I restrained my opinion and left it up to the others who I agreed with, to speak for me. This choice allowed me to feel like a participant in the conversation without adding to the cacophony that was building up around the story. So I silently followed along, reading others thought’s on the subject, championing them from my armchair, but that changed when I read the follow up article Ronan Farrow recently published.

The initial reports about Weinstein made my stomach turn. Listening to the recording of him pleading with Gutierrez was even more nauseating. But the actions he took to cover his tracks, well this new low has created a raging anger in me. I have struggled with comprehensively expressing my opinion on this aspect of the story, and this time I don’t care if I’m adding to the noise. I don’t give a flying fuck if I’m just one more railing angry women who can’t shut up. Weinstein and the men like him make other societal cancers seem like cold sores.

The lengths Weinstein went to cover his tracks came at the expense of something already vulnerable to attack, women’s relationships with each other. I’ll admit when the original story first broke my shock was tempered by my closeted inner misandrist, who has learned not to be surprised when hearing these stories. But the new revelations have forced me to lower the bar even further for men in high positions who abuse their power. The fact that Weinstein wasn’t content with just his harassment, but felt the need to follow up with tabs on the women he attacked (despite his claims all actions were consensual), proves just how Machiavellian this man was. 

The most putrid aspect of this story was just how calculating Weinstein, and the firm he hired to protect him, were. Somewhere in the “help Harvey hide his hush-hush” game plan, a conversation was had about the best way to approach and gain the trust of his victims. For McGowan, that meant using her work as a women’s rights advocate as her vulnerability. Just the idea of this brings rage into my soul. 

The thought of a woman using the issue of women’s empowerment to gaslight and suppress another women infuriates me. The reason why this has gotten so far under my skin is because women turning against each other plays to the gnawingly obnoxious argument about whether women can be allies to each other. It was despicable enough that the firm used a woman (and sicker still that a women was complicit in being used) to form a confidence with McGowan but to have it coupled with the scheme that the bonding force was women’s empowerment just leaves me numb.

Sincere female connections are not easily formed in our society. Often women are taught early to be weary of other women who might be out to steal their boyfriends or husbands. Insecure women have a hard time even complementing other women without feeling like they’ve sacrificed their own power in their process. I remember being a young girl, watching Anita Hill’s testimony, and hearing from adult women around me that she was just an insubordinate, attention-seeking woman. For many women, we have been raised to disbelieve a women who challenges the patriarchy. She’s wrong, plain and simple. To make matters worse, societal conditioning even extends to condoning women attacking other women to protect this system that is suppressing us. Forming trusted female relationships does not come easily for most women.

It is often said that a women’s best friend and fiercest enemy are other women, a sentiment that requires a tremendous amount of energy to dispel. Female connections are often approached with cautious hesitation in early stages. We test to see how much disappointment we may have to suffer, if any. We hold our female relationships to higher standards then our male ones, because it’s expected men will let us down at some point, but women… well women should know better. That’s what we tell each other when a woman injures another woman, women should know better. When a man is unfaithful it’s, “What do you expect he’s a man,” but a woman… How could a woman do that to another woman? The pain is felt as much deeper betrayal. So it becomes hard to trust each other. It becomes hard to open yourself up and let a woman into your life who could potentially create chaos and since many women have been raised to believe their own sex is emotionally unstable and unpredictable, is it any surprise when women distrust each other?

However, if you are a woman who has been lucky enough to foster strong female relationships then you know just how powerful they can be. When women survive the initial stages of distrust and uncertainty an amazing bond is formed. Having been lucky enough to have experienced this repeatedly, I can attest to it firsthand. Just as much as a woman's biggest enemy may hold true, the first half of that statement is equally true. Women are our best friends. The sincerest bond women have with each other can often be so deep it feels almost primal.

When women find other female allies we are united against a system that we often fall victim to. For many women, I include myself in this category, who suffer from self doubt we find it easier to champion other women when we lack the confidence to do it for ourselves. It’s a remarkable trait to have. But the most incredible aspect when women form connected bonds, is that we are a united front in asking that the world treat us better. When women come together we are a force to be reckoned with. When we demand change as a united front, the world is forced to listen. Which may be the exact reason why women have been raised to distrust each other (this sentiment also applies to the racial divides we’re experiencing as well).

We may never know the full extent of the damage Weinstein and his merry band of manipulators created, but I know what I fear most. I fear that this incident, and how Harvey handled it, will fertilize more skepticism between females. I fear this may further prevent women from risking a bond with each other because that one woman could have an ulterior motive. But mostly I fear that this incident will be used to justify why women can’t come together to fight against a system that is profiting from our repression.